i am a musician/singer/songwriter/guitarist but my first love was the flute when i was a kid
i used to lay in the road when i was very young hoping someone would hit and kill me, though i have tried to talk pple out of suicide
i tore up my baby book when i was little, but i love most babies
i like my rock hard and heavy but i am one of the calmest, most optimistic pple i know of
i have written lots of songs though some arent sung by me
i have a horrible memory but have had frequent flashbacks of my childhood
i am politically active, but lazy
i have a roof over my head but still worry about pple who still dont
i am in love with someone who is no longer alive
i have a vibrant destiny yet spend my life numb
i am very outspoken yet still have a hard time standing up for myself
i value independence yet i live my life as a slave
i am devoted to Gabey but have developed very strong feelings for someone else
i had parents who were/are hard drug addicts but grew up to do hard drugs myself
i am alone, but very passionate
i dont care what others think of me but still value their opinion/approval
i am gifted intelligence wise but dropped out of school
i am traditional in some domestic matters but love someone i could never marry
i am a junkie vegetarian
i am in utter turmoil over something that makes me very happy
i have been so hurt in my life by pple yet still trust most
i adore a guy i cant even call my boyfriend

i just got like $500 worth of Victorias Secret stuff yesterday! its nice to feel so... pampered. and i totally deserve it. although id rather have the money, i know that the people- person, in this case- would spend that amount of money on a card before they give me even $100 for rent, and i could use the stuff. i already have a now complete set of Very Sexy makeup, 2 types of body wash (Sexy Little Things and Garden), sexy little body butter that smells like Sexy Little Things, just like the bath bubbles i have, 1 1/2 boxes of Sexy Little Things perfume that whistles at u when u open it, a bottle of body mist in the same scent that purrs at u when u pick it up, some hot panties that say Sexy Little Things with ruffles and bows, and i got some more makeup, oh a CUTE ASS top, and $50 worth of Model Co. self tanning supplies. i will take pics soon.
just as importantly, no more importantly, i am worried about someone. i know how it feels to break someones heart and its not fun. i hope hes not giving himself a hard time about it. sometimes it hurts but u have to follow yr heart.

so i didnt make a lot of money at work but i had a great day before that. i didnt get all that much sleep last night. i decided not to be so hard on myself for enjoying a male's company. i also have to find a bday present for someone. i already know what i want to get him for his bday but right now its a matter of what i can find and what i can afford. im gonna sleep good tonite! ;)

guess who gets to go to wigland, victorias secret and shoe shopping today?? me!!! i need to put a few outfits together for my trip. me and my agent have had tentative plans for me to do other jobs but nothing ever worked out since i didnt have a phone. or minutes on it anyway. until now! i dont know if i will still be co-hosting a model search in Vegas with Joe Rogan of Fear Factor, but im sure if that hasnt already happened, i still have it. i really want to do a good job here this weekend so i can start making some REAL $.

this weekend i will be going to a casino in Washington for my first modeling/cohosting job! i will be a Vixen Rum girl,ill also be cohosting a pin up girl contest there! the Vixen thing will probably entail giving out free stuff, getting my ass grabbed a lot. it should be fun. ill take lots of pics so stay tuned!

hi people! i have been working on buku projects lately. sissy is helping me make my very own site, i made a pattern for a pair of pants for her and helped a little in their making, i am also getting ready to start my own dancewear line, Desertstar Designs, which will branch out as Dollie Designs (for dollie dresses), Destruction Designs ( for vinyl-bondage-fetishwear), and... maybe i'll call the dancewear Diva Designs? so many possibilities! i have to figure out which collection to start first and make a catalog. Is that it? any other projects i'm working on? well one or two other projects that as of now i will leave 'undisclosed'. I really should be sleeping now so that will be my next project. if only i could make a living off of sleeping! (ALONE- dont even think about it!)

HI EVERYONE!! I was supposed to work @ Tommys III today from 4 pm to 9 pm but i was so hung over from double shots of Petron tequila that i slept and slept all day (except to watch some of Days of our Lives and to call my dealer) that i missed my shift so later on, around 10 or 11-ish my friend/driver Steve took me out to audition at some clubs around town. First we went to the Dolphin out on McLoughlin Blvd., since Steve had called them prior to my visit and was told that they held auditions anytime, and after ordering drinks- which i needed for my hangover anyway- and waiting around for 10 or 15 minutes i was led to an office occupied by a guy named Prince, who informed me that auditions were, in fact, held any day except Sunday between noon to 4pm. i was polite and professional, but i wanted to ask him, "is that just what you tell the girls who you wont be hiring?" but instead, upon our finishing our drinks and leaving, when the bouncer, the same guy who was very friendly out in the parking lot when we arrived, walked us out and asked how it went, i told him what had happened and mentioned something about how booking managers at clubs just-maybe- take a girls' number and say they will be calling her even though they have no intention of doing so, and how i was hoping that Prince wasnt just putting me off, and the bouncer told me that he's known Prince for a long time and that he's a pretty straight forward guy and not to read too deeply into it because i'm very attractive, and to please come back. So that was pretty cool.

The next stop was supposed to be the Pallas over on 130-something and Powell but on our way -i got to drive!!!- we couldnt get onto the freeway due to some sort of construction, so i decided that, since i had worked at Union Jacks' previously and knew that the owner was usually there after 9 or 10 at night, i would just go there and talk to him about working there again. Well we got there and the owner was not there- i hadn't realized by then it was about midnight-, we didnt want to pay the cover charge for nothing so i said, "hey, theres this place called Outlaws a couple blocks away on E. Burnside and 7th that i've been wanting to check out- lets go there!" So we did, and as it turns out, Outlaws' is the name of the bar on the first of 3 floors, which apparently are all owned by the same people. I didnt really see what was on the 2nd floor as we went up the stairs, but on the 3rd floor was what i had been looking for, the strip club part of the building, which is called Aces High Gentlemens' cigar club and bar/lounge. So to make a short story long, the manager happened to come in while we were there, so not only was i able to audition, but i talked in length to him and got to look at the 2nd floor, which is a huge ballroom/concert floor! So i mentioned our band and it looks like we will be able to play there, but thats not all, folks! it turns out that they hold all sorts of events, many ALL YOU CAN DRINK nights ($5 for well/draft, $20 for top shelf), they have an ad in this months' Exotic magazine (www.xmag.com) hosted by Ron Jeremy for the northwest Pin-up Girl competition, and on slow nights, they give the dancer(s) $30 for working, dancers' drafts and well drinks are only $1, and- here it is- I START TOMORROW NIGHT from 9pm to 2:30 am!!! Well, technically tonight. So i better get some sleep since me, Dan and Sissy are practicing earlier today as well. So i just wanted to share the good news with y'all. We'll see how it goes, but i have a good feeling about this.

sweet dreams and rock on,

Alice Cornell- Desertstar